Alien vs. Predator vs. Ghosts

“G” responds to Mr. Blue and other articles.

Dear C:  

You sure have an odd family. And some strong ties that are there, mixed up with hurt and resentment and wounds. Best of luck as you transition out of there.

Yes, sometimes I wonder why my life has so many odd elements to it. Some days it drives my PTSD into a shut-down, but most days it’s fuel for the fire: finding purpose and meaning. Still, the oddness is there: a single older man, living in a fourplex, 3 units have children in the throes of the terrible twos. Will I find purpose in?

·       Some encouragement of those struggling parents?

·       Find motivation to move (and, I could move to other types of noise, but several years of this has become a bad memory, as once I lived next to a neighbor who would not stop his dog from barking). Noise is everywhere.

·       Accept using earplugs more often?

What is the meaning, purpose, and gift of life’s encounters?

You’ve told me some about your pastor father’s neglect and abuse. Any other thoughts now?

I remember when I "got clear" with my dad. Forgive me if I've shared all of this already. I was unemployed at the time, about 2004, and spent a week at their house. I fixed the screen door, helped them get a wrought iron railing on their steps, cleaned up a lot, and generally helped out. And one night we had a conversation, and I said my piece, not in heated anger, but in a vulnerable way. I shared how I had gone to the altar and accepted Christ, as he had instructed.  I was about in 3rd grade, and too young to have a lot of defensive armor. Following this, alone in the parking lot in the snow, with a crystal sky above, I experienced Unity. All was one. There was no "me" looking "out there." The next day, I awoke as depressed as hell. I knew completely that there was nobody who would understand me. The church, with their endless singing about love and preaching about God, was clueless. I was more alone than I've ever been in my life. 

I said "Dad, you always seem to thing I need saved. Well, you weren't there for me. There were no tribal elders. There were no shamans. You wouldn't have listened or understood me at my hour of need."

He received what I said, and was quiet. He said "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Then he went back to his old patterns, bossing my mom around, demanding to be waited on, watching stupid TV shows with the volume turned up loud.

I lay down and tried to sleep, and then gathered my things and left at 11:00 at night.  A few years later, Dad was gone.

What shocked me about the process of forgiveness was how little it changed my relationship with my father. A burden lifted from my heart. I felt "done" and released from the spell of shame he had cast on me. The bitterness and anger was gone, as well as the posture of seeking of approval only to find another rejection. But Dad was a hollow shell of a man, filled with misgivings and emotionally crippled and immature. I guess I expected him to weep and hug me and tell me he loved me. I expected a flood of warmth to rush in and fill up the void between us. But there was none of that. It was me, looking at him, saying "Jesus, you're hollow. Nothing is there. You cannot love." Acceptance of what is does not create what never was.

“G”, wow. Thanks, that final note could be a great book title: “You can’t (fill in the blank) of what never was.

It reminds me of the mythology, myths, and mythos of the “dead and the undead”.

a.   The ghosts of the movie The Sixth Sense: while most joke about that older movie, there’s such profound mythos in it supported by that mythology of ghosts: they’re not malevolent in nature seeking to frighten us with moving candlesticks or appearances. But they may be kind or malevolent in their “having not left this world to theirs”, whatever that means.

b.   There are those mythic creatures not ghosts: those refusing to die like Zombies, Werewolves, and Vampires. These are the inter-dead, those half-way there, but staying for malevolent purposes.

“G”, do you have more you could share? Based on A and B, is your dad’s situation a ghost or undead? Could elaborate on

Acceptance of what is does not create what never was.

What would you tell others about dealing with their ghosts?

Could you tell me more personally, because I’m interested, in dealing with ghosts, that thing which is but a wisp, a vapor, and discharged with a quick flick of consciousness?

I find the experience intriguing: it’s like that old cereal, Wheat or Rice Puffs, or a Puffed Rice Cake: nothing is there.

I think there is a whole mythology or mythos of this: when something is not really there.

In your case, it’s not a delusional Don Quixote battle: you dad was real, the situations happened to you and of others, and in the end; it’s a “nothing”.

Mythos or symbols of Zero that truly hurt:

The weather, a cloud

A balloon

Empty food (I see reports this week of how many families worldwide are having to eat tree leaves to alleviate hunger: ground and moistened to a paste, they provide not just zero nutrition, but ingest harmful tree toxins)

Unlike a Vampire person like Trump: the threat is gone when talked to

I have so many honest curiosities and questions about this:

Was there an empty feeling for you after, like you had years of waiting for the apology or secretly had thoughts of revenge?

Were you, because of some situation in your family the only one to experience this with your dad?

I've found that when I thought I had to forgive another, a violator, it was really about forgiving myself for getting involved, being naive, or other. 

 

Tv series "Deadwood" and Nepharious Individuals: I often find parallels from this TV series characters and events and those of my own family