Dapper Dan the Gaslight Man

Dapper Dan

Dear Dr. B, this is the story I told you I'd share.
Thanks for letting others know.
Bob, from Boise Idaho.

Dan is a real story from my own life. As a child, I’d “get of the hills” of central Idaho by visiting my two grandmothers in Boise. About a week with each was great, and likely all they could handle.

Grandmother A. There was much about this family, gossiped about by adults, but never shared with children. I suspect there were histories of fleeing towns due to petty thefts by family members due to the many sudden moves.

At 10, I was often naive to many things, but a good observer. Stories often become complete in my mind after many years where something triggers finding a mental missing piece of the puzzle of a person’s life or event. Often, there was gaslighting going on, especially in a time where children were not communicated with well: they were to be seen and not heard.

Sherlock Holmes: at first glance, it seems Dapper Dan is fixit man for a North End Boise Middle Age Woman, but...

Sherlock Holmes: at first glance, it seems Dapper Dan is fixit man for a North End Boise Middle Age Woman, but...

Sherlock Holmes: at first glance, it seems Dapper Dan is fixit man for a North End Boise Middle Age Woman, but...

At 10 it was my week With Grandma A, and her youngest son and my uncle Dan showed up most afternoons about 4.  He was supposed to be working in the family business as a painter, but often found a reason to not work. Something more important had to be done, and the entire family allowed this to happen because he was the youngest. I gathered it was their own self-pity: why should the cute young man have to work like me, like a slave all day long and all of life?

Dan showed up twice with packages of clothes to show his mom, grandma. And, they were dapper. Now that I know the stores of Boise better, they weren’t typical clothes for 1963 from the Bon Marche, or the Bazaar Department Store. They weren’t fashion bowling clothes. They weren’t golf, fishing, or other interest, nor were they a stack of valuable but common Levis.

No, these were odd.

They were from Talbot’s Fine Clothes for men. Most towns had a store like this: it’s a hole in the wall small store catering to men typically 40-50.  There might be some golf shirt or fine wool sport coat to be found, but the clothes were extra fine clothes you’d see on a middle upper income person. In fact, this would be the place where single gay men of that age would buy ALL their clothes, and the clothiers were also gay. And, some flamboyant items indicated this all: the display mannequins all had some gay flashing: scarf around the neck or a bright yellow handkerchief in a shirt or coat breast pocket. None of this was ordinary fare for Boise, but it served the hidden gay culture of this city.

Dan:

Dan showed up with the shirts, pleated pants, belts, socks, and pair of shoes and bag of underwear twice in one week, and tried them on for Grandma. And, they weren’t clothes of his age group, they were that gay 40’s crowd, but it gave him a fine look.

He tried them on to show. “How can you afford this?” Grandma asked.

He replied, “It was a gift from a satisfied customer, implying it was a gift from one of their painting customers. But, Dan wasn’t involved at all in the sales or contact with painting customers at all.

article on Boys of Boise

Simply put: Dan was being outfitted, dressed up, and dolled up.

Was he a gigolo of sorts? Well, he was very handsome, and it would make sense that some lonely 40’s woman would eagerly dress her “boy” up well.

But, the clothes were not from the Bon Marche.  They were from the gay men’s store.

Dan wasn’t or isn’t to my knowledge gay, but Boise was famous for its cultural arrests of the 50’s, described in the book and movie: The Boys of Boise. In this situation, a group of about 20 men from 16 to 22 would allow gay men to give them a blow job. They weren’t gay, but the older men were. The boys and those men both were arrested, and I know some of them personally.

This “sex ring” that occurred is actually common worldwide. Young gay straight men get paid to receive oral sex. Some, regulars, while still straight, may have an ongoing relationship with a particular gay man…..and be the recipient of clothes and watches. Their “cute boy” is outfitted.

Dan also came into the house with bundles of cash off for that time: 200.00 at a time. Rather than pay off my grandma for some loan, he’d quickly go spend it on himself. While Dan lived just a bit historically behind the time of the Boys of Boise, I’m sure he followed that North End Boise Culture, learned it quickly, and found it to be a resource for high end clothes, and much cash. He had a known girlfriend at that time, and likely that gay man also knew about that.

Dan, had gaslighted everybody around!!

Dapper Dan the Gaslight Man

video: Fall of 55, The Boys of Boise

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video: the Statesman caused hysteria over Boys of Boise, arrests occurred, and eventually a community got it's off-track scapegoating investigators stopped. 

Why did this clothing thing draw my attention? First, being a gay man in remote central Idaho, I lived with a copy of Sears and Penney's catalogs by my side. I always liked nice clothes, and often asked for those for birthdays and Christmas.

Very rarely, would my family on visiting relatives in Boise, go into a department store, and I'd look at trending clothes. But, that was limited. The culture of an district of Boise, The Boise North End had a working class population and was dominated by giant in the state of Idaho, Boise High School, and the connection to downtown Boise, several important movie theaters, the capitol building of the State, and the cruise streets and their soda shop hangouts on Capitol Boulevard. It was a place of abundant petty crimes, James Dean wannabees, and men who got into rumbles outside their large Italian and Irish families. Wearing clean jeans, greased back hair, and cigarettes rolled up in a clean white tshirt, the weapon of choice hidden in the car hearkened back to earlier big US cities: a baseball bat.

But, these clothes were from a real specialty niche. There may have been 3 small shops in Boise selling this niche clothing.  It included Alexander's Fine Men's Clothes, but this caliber of clothing was not found at the main stream stores. And, while these stores carried and made men's suits, that was in the back of the store, and secondary to this niche clothing.

historical photo, Alexander's men's store, Boise, Idaho

historical photo: Penney's  Boise Idaho

The clothing could be seen on Ward Cleaver, of the Leave it to Beaver TV show.

Ward Cleaver, Leave it to Beaver, casual shirt

There were other men's styles of clothing at that time, that a young man like Dan might wear:
sports or bowling shirts
white tshirt

white tshirt boys Boise, Idaho

But, this was an older man's style of the late 50's and very early 60's.  Here are some examples of those older man's styles, BUT NOT THE ALEXANDER'S Shirt Dan was receiving as gifts. These below might be a gift form a middle age woman that was giving to her younger sexual partner (in Boise, with no pools, this would not be the pool boy, but the yard and fix-it boy).

50's retro men's shirt: dapper but not the gay blending in shirt of Boise

50's retro men's shirt: dapper but not the gay blending in shirt of Boise

So, What was this niche clothing?
1. From Alexander's
2. silk or linen for a draping look
3. finest stitching: double stitched with a very flat finish: you could see it was quality, and would last (likely many of these shirts remain in closets, found at thrift stores, or for Ebay resale).

But unlike all the rest of the shirts of the same quality and materials at that time: the Alexander shirt and the shirts of Dapper Dan:
Gay "I have fashion but I also blend in" clothing
1. had no color detailing, contrasts, bars, patterns, logos
2. were monotone, subdued colors

They stood out as quality, but did not stand out as high fashion. Why?
These were the shirts middle-age gay men wore to wear a top shirt, but "blend in".
This was then, Gay men wearing gay clothes that fit in to the local society. They could be seen in parities, events, golfing, or a clandestine gay bar, but few would see this as some sort of gay attire:
a police officer would not see this as gay but as a shirt an upstanding Ward Cleaver would wear. But, another gay man or some women with fashion or materials knowledge would notice.  This was a gay camouflaging shirt. Perfect. And, very tricky of them.

Why then would this be used to outfit Dan?
If the gay man knew this to be the gay camouflage shirt, and all others had none of that "magical quality", then this could be the only clothing to give. Though they might make Dan look older, what's wrong with that. And, it distinguished these gay men from others.

In the past, there have been historical clothing and other signs that gays would wear to distinguished them from non-straights, allowing them to start a conversation with a stranger, as was needed to meet other gays.  Wearing a lavender kerchief might be too flamboyant, though historically many gays took clothing or fashion risks. But, the lavender kerchief in a pocket was seen as a "secret sign" and started the association of lavender in addition to pink as associated with gays. Pink was the color used by Hitler, the pink upside-down triangle, to identify gays, of whom 700,000 were imprisoned and gased in World War 2.

Cases: Larry the Toady Liar

Cases in Gaslighters

Larry the Liar

Larry was an adept liar. I knew him as assistant manager for the well-known grocery store I worked for.

A short and pudgy man, and a Mormon, he found his way into any circle by being a toady chameleon. If the “boys” were talking about a something nefarious or had a dirty or prejudiced joke, he could up them. Did the gang in the stock room discuss dirty details of “with whom they’d do such and such dirty deed with if they had a chance”, he was drawn in to be discussion promotor. When his wife was not in the store, he’d follow “buxom babes” around the stories, and then share snide and lusty comments. “Boy, I’d like to do that one.” “Don’t you think she’s …..was both a dirty comment and a test of your loyalty to his way.  

If it was a Saturday, Larry was his usual dirty gang leader wanna be. One would imagine how he used this in High School to fit in to any rough crowd, while all along his family would be sure and ship him off to his two year required LDS Mission, then he’d be given a selection of one of many local “good looking” LDS young women, where dorky men were assured of intelligent and sexy wives. If it was Sunday, Larry would be his old entitled and narcissistic self, but in a more religious sense. On Sundays, you’d get a spiel about the correctness of the LDS Church rather than the correctness of philandering.

Larry extended this chameleon behavior and a lifetime of compulsive lying into Gaslighting. He was the less sophisticated criminal in the world, but criminal non-the-less. He had the characteristics of narcissism, entitlement, grandiosity, and self-serving down well. He thought he was above and beyond the law or rules and would never get caught. But, he got caught several times, and in the end, was caught for embezzlement.

Many stories stick out where Larry Gaslighted himself into position or goods, and he walked on others threw allies under the bus. Some knew to avoid him at all costs, which wasn’t too much help: he was assistant manager and could punish those both against him and those avoidant. There were many scandals regarding his giving raises, promotions, and favors to his allies, while his enemies and those neutral got lost in confused time cards, time schedules, and pay that Larry perpetually foiled for them.  He knew that system of keeping them “crazy” very well. It was the Gaslight or “not me, but you”, in all ways.

While many stories of Larry the Lifter of Goods are very long, one short one is the Steak Robbery:

Larry held onto a powerful role as manager of the annual summer party. His control was so refined that he’d determine who’d get a free beer. He never paid for the beer, nor did the store, but he’d tell each person in whispers, “Jeff, I got 12 free beers from the Coors Distributor for your party. There’s not enough to go around, but I’ll set aside 2 for only You. They’ll be in the Blue Painted Cooler. Don’t tell others where you got it at all”.   This was a part of Gaslighting people with favors, then for favors. It was all to serve Larry in the end: he’d get some goods. In fact, the only boat allowed at the party for water skiers (which he controlled the list priority of water skiers, his favorites were up front and got to ski and others never), was Larry’s: he’d gotten the $ for the boat from various store embezzlements.

Larry also controlled getting the food supplies, giving and trading favors to vendors. He got free wine, but kept if for himself.  But, the steaks.

“Hey, we’ve had such a profitable year that we ought to get steaks for all.”

Everybody liked the idea. He go much approbation. Larry, then just went to the meat counter, and put the steaks in two giant paper grocery bags.

He found it all so easy. He bagged steaks, told people why he had them, then took them home to his freezer. The next day, because it was all so easy, he took two more bags of steaks.

Then, the party and there were no steaks. Larry has some last minute excuse. Several days later, the store manager got wind 4 bags of steaks were taken out of the store by Larry, and did not show up. Larry, later that day, showed up and gave the 4 bags to the store manager. Shouting at Larry could be heard. Larry, though, as Chameleon or as sly fox came up with some story fast that saved him…..and made him almost hero…. Who knows what the Gaslight lie was, because it could have been any of one million fibs, one of thousands in Larry’s skilled Gaslighter life.

Unrequited Truth: When Lies meet your truth

Of course, we all accept that truths vary from person to person and perspective to perspective. But, there would be generally a truth that at least a majority could agree on: something observed by many.

What this observation then means is left to more interpretations, but we can say:
1. lions killed 4 rhino poachers today
2. 13 were rescued from a Thai cave
3. the weather is more extreme and hot days hotter and cold days colder, than 30 years ago.

So, the Gaslight Victim states: the gaslight just lowered as the light is less, and that means another gas jet in the house was turned on. Somewhere in the house, a light in a bedroom or even the attic was turned on, lowering the overall levels of pressurized gas. We live in an electric world, so unless you visit an outlying rural area or visit a foreign country, you may not see drops in the power of a light bulb when another is turned on. But, we know the idea.

Our heroine is told by the servants that the light did not dim, and they did not turn the room light down. There also, they say, is no one else in the house to turn on a new "jet".

Your Truth vs Lies and Power of Gaslighter

Truth Versus Gaslight: When Truth is Unrequited

Victim feels smaller, gaslighter feels bigger and more powerful:

Where is our Rescue When Our Own Mind Tricks US?

This is an important topic in the movie Gaslight. But, the rescue portion of this movie is not drawn out like so many stories or videos. In many epic monster movies, like Pacific Rim, most of the story is about "rescue".  Perhaps the rescue or resolution phase of this story is extended because of several factors:

When will rescue come? When well we throw our inner self a lifeline? 

1. we may not believe "it" is happening to us
2. there is conning involved, and our mind, and our brain are tricking us with the information also.
3. the Gaslighter continues, before resolution, and even after: they never give up on the con, nor do they admit to the vile process or crimes unless they're the type seeking attention for crimes, like many of the Serial Killer Psychopaths.

This creates the complex of confusion, status, or most times: decline, loss of headway or progress, move into Post Trauma Stress Disorder and it's complex of brain and body decline cascades.

It's summer 2018 in writing this, and the spring of this year saw an abundance of new information on the brain's propensity to be fooled. There had been a smattering of good books describing this problem 10 years ago, and 20 years ago. But, this year saw new bits and pieces of real research, most from Europe, providing support for a whole field and understanding of the problem:
Our Mind is made to trick us.

Really, this mental foolery is part of many protective and intelligence operations our mind and that of animals does:
A. I have a routine of play with my cat where I start at point A with a mouse, and end up at B. My are amazing predictors of the outcome of some action. Soon, a paw is outstretched, and a faux bird or mouse is ensnared without a blink of an eye.
B. Cats were found in 2018 to have a portion of their brain dedicated to the prediction of the size of small prey or large foe by the sound and vibration emanating from that animal. A small mouse might rattle some grass, but have a tiny noise footprint. The cat brain sees this as a mouse based on their specialized brain.

But, what if in A, the mouse is actually an origami type piece that somehow I can make disappear?  The cat will still, until frustrated many times, go to point P, claws opened and ready to catch the toy.

And, in B: what if the sound was not in nature, and in the human world, where sounds are distorted or amplified? When the UPS man arrives, the cats have hidden. This is different than other persons arriving at my apartment door, but cause the UPS man has to chug up wood stairs with weighted packages, and that sound is amplified. The cats "here and interpret" that this is an elephant coming, when it's really not.

I have a cat, Sis, who's great at collecting insects that invade our home. But, when a moth flutters in that slow and noisy flitting large moths do, she gets pulled in. The noise is greater than the size of the actual moth. But, moth's too look bigger than their actual bodies, which could be protective.

Sis is incredible at this, but then the moth's do what they do best: blend in and be still for hours or a day. This lack of noise and camouflaging foils the cat system: often the moth wins out, just to be found by me a few months later, dried up.   Gaslighters are these moths: there seems to be a trail, but nature's chameleons with out. Nature's moths that can blend in with a tree's bark with out over predator's most times.

Perhaps we could see the inner selves, inner function, or inner heroes as metaphoric characters like the 3 Stooges: in always trying to help they always create a grand mess

Perhaps we could see the inner selves, inner function, or inner heroes as metaphoric characters like the 3 Stooges: in always trying to help they always create a grand mess

Here, let me help you with that Gaslighter there, telling you that you're crazy.

(the Inner Selves, helpful or not. Concepts developed in two fields: psychosynthesis of 100 years ago, and Archetypal Psychology of the last 50 years)









The human mind has many such protections. Our mind and brain are trying to protect us in the best way it can, and unfortunately, filtering out dangers is one way to not go insane from information overload.

These below are all extremely common to all persons.

*A. One Reaches a point of "no longer able to see the threat" because it seems ordinary: point of desensitization. Typically we should be able to "see" threats: we are aware of them.
We can see threats, and ignore them (kids these days have a shocking abundance of movies where heroes and heroines are smocking cigarettes, as a part of cool, in group, or edginess in a dark movie).  Ignored is information they're blasted with daily at school and in tv counter-smoking advertisements.
We can see threats, but are desensitized to them: we drive fast or text while driving, sharp or hot objects in a baby's house are ignored as "common place" in our mind.

*B. Makes up Threats:
Our mind can go incredibly sour, and take on negative perspectives. Please see the article on the Gnome of the Mind.
Our mind under many situations can see only the negative, and take on a despairing and hopeless perspective. One quits when hundreds of things are going right, or one is about to change their larger or smaller communities..... But, like dark old Eeyore in the Milne' Pooh stories, "It's a gloomy world, why bother".

*C. Doesn't even see threats.

Ignores Ordinary Dangers:
Something seems so normal, that we forget it's dangerous. Daily, I can see at least 2 very young women, and 1 middle or older age woman texting in their car, despite both laws and ghastly TV crash stories. Our mind seeks to help us with information overload. We have to filter out so much information daily as our minds would never comprehend it. Scientists have found our human focus on real issues is pretty limited: we filter out 99% of the flood of information around it. We can't blame this on the age we live in, blaming it on the information age overload. The human mind has always had to operate this way: the brain is incredible, but not incredible enough to process most of what is around us. Hey, we're just ONE, not a super computer.
Ignores Known Serious Dangers:
The mind eliminates known threats we're desensitized to: a child comes back into the periphery of a molester, and having been desensitized to that through past history will ignore a current one: a person again coming up to them offering candy may be ignored by the desensitized.
A person taken hostage by protesters or hidden in a basement by a sexual deviant may eventually identify with, align with, and support the criminal.

And, as mentioned often here:
*D. Believes what is conned to us


So, we have the con Gaslighter working us, and your brain ignores the signs. This makes it difficult to

• know the problem
• fully comprehend the problem
• and then to rescue our self, to throw our self a lifeline. 

The odds are already stacked against us to really help our self. We have to become as concerted in our efforts of self rescue as the metaphor of the Thai rescue of 18 boys in a cave. We have to "overdo" this process of not "seeing" the threat to then really become aware of the threat. More on this later.

Thailand: monumental effort to rescue 18 boys is a metaphor for self-rescue

The metaphor's of lighthouses: when will be set our own up, and shine our
self warnings about Gaslighthers? Likely, it follows suffering, learning, mistakes, and time for it to become integrated into our Lighthouse of the Soul. Dr. B

At some time, it becomes part of our daily awareness, preventative, attractive, welcome, a bastion, a message, a hope

This is my job.

constant, has symbolic white light. Reminds, warns, guides

something is missing here, Leslie

a part of our "landscape" or our "features"

Protects your valuables, worth, story, life. Is the guardian to the port or shipping lane

for some with PTSD, depression, prior victims or have been bullied, alcohol and drug addicts: the barrage may be continual... and needs planned for thus

we like, visit, are aware of: our own inner lighthouse. It's not ignored. Even if it includes a cute pony like this one, we don't participate in the mocking of our protects. That would make us a gaslighter, bully, psychopaths

Nice!

zowie, glad you're here!!

some often gaslighted need a red light of warning

the waves engulf and fully test the lighthouse: that is their nature. That is the nature of the Gaslighter too.