Holidays if you’ve been Gaslighted in your life:
A letter to my cousin Denise and Aunt Alice:
This was a short not that evolved into some writing, as is
common for me…be patient with it please.
Well, and invite for Xmas dinner to Aunt Alice’s, and to
meet your husband was a great plan. I had gifts and goodies. Out, but without my phone, I thought an address
in Payette would be an easy one: it’s just a numbered street address. So, to
Payette and, low and behold, the streets are like Nampa, a mish-mash of North
Avenues, Avenue norths, North Street, then NE Avenue, NW Avenue, and they all
split up that to find a continuance of a street means going around a huge
pasture or railroad.
I was near. I could have moved into Guerilla Stealth
Location Mode: most convenience store clerks are of no help if asking, but
there’s always a police or fire station open that will help. But, after a time,
I gave up. I moved into “I don’t want to be in Guerrilla mode all the time in
my life”. It’s too much fighting. So, I backed off to a drive past the 17th
Avenue North By Norwest South Cemetery, to the River Bridge heading to the Ont.
State Pen.
What do Gaslighters do on the Holidays. How this may cause PTSD collapse in you:
I apologize to both of you. I wanted to be there, that’s one
little voice inside. But, another voice inside says: Christmas has been the
most mentally damaging time the last few years: as a single person do I go to a
movie or if nice out, go for a drive. Often, by being home and being present,
it’s been a time to be with my pets, chill out, watch an old movie, and do some
fun and creative projects. When I worked, that became a day to do some crafts
that I didn’t have time for otherwise…..a gift.
That helped to join the voices together.
Christmas is when our own and societies voices all come up
from the basement, even if we don’t recognize them. How can we cope, but more, excel.
Now, I ask you, please forgive me. I’m sure I disappointed you.
I remember that for about 5 Christmas’ where before
establishing my own NO Contact Order, (see here at
) that I had gifts for and from the gaslighters.
What is Giving if done by a Gaslighter?
If Donald Trump gives a new emerald necklace to Melania is
for her image, or is it for his image, the joy of spending big, for influence
and ahhs from others, to make her look good when she’s holding his arm in thus
and so event? Or, is it something she really wants, and would get joy from?
Well, by our defintions here of Gaslighters, it’s about them, not the other.
See articles here on their lack of compassion. This lack of compassion in
personality, mind, and actually gone from their brain causes this:
Who do Gaslighters give to for Holiday Gifts? How this may cause PTSD collapse in you:
A.
To: the big gift giving events to herald their
generosity and wonderfulness: It really was a Game that they participated in. It
was the game narcissists, gaslighters, and some political psychopaths do.
Ultimately, it’s a gift given to support I Me Mine, My Image, My future Gains
by building up my image.
B.
Now, many give gifts for the Holidays, and many
for wonderful reasons. But, this was a Gaslight time: gifts were given with no
personal intent, only showmanship. The
gift was about the giver, their image, and getting admiration from others:
often this meant getting some kitschy thing from Cabela’s décor section or some
trendy cooking or food item from Sonoma….. not much had anything to do with who
I am or what I do in life…. And, these Gaslighters had maxed out the giving
event of Showmanship:
There was the Xmas eve dinner at 4 and a power gift giving
at 8, then, there was a Christmas morning of the same, and likely, thrown in
was an extra event at either Christmas Eve day, or Christmas day late. My
gifts: often the pricey items came from a Stash that I call the pity gift bag:
Mrs. T. would have a bag for lost relatives she’d bought, and then just put a
name tag on later. Again, Williams and Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Some mix to make
jerky stew from iguanas from Cabela’s in the big 6 pack sitting in a cast iron
skillet (the big costly one with lentils in the mix).
It’s not that any person doesn’t need or can use some new
idea or trend from a store like those above. It’s that the item has some “contamination
on it”. There’s some message attached by some invisible gift card that says
ultimately, and this may seem strong here:
Fuck You, you’re not a person, here’s a gift of crap for $70
from Williams and Sonoma that has nothing to do with you or for you. There was
not thought given to the gift because we bought 4 similar items just to give to
lost relatives or friends (lost meaning loser), that we keep in a large plastic
trash bag and put a name card on it last minute. We’ll take them back for full
refund after the holidays, and piss on the inconvenience to Williams and Sonoma
as we borrow the items for a week to see if they need passed out. We have on
item each from their sections on Foods, appliances, kitchen utensils, and décor…
And, by the way, it’s all about me, that big box of Harry
and David’s Candy or Rocky Mt. Chocolates you got you diabetic lesser,
you. Look at me: you got some towels
from Macy’s!
So, that’s them, the stuff. For that time period, the gifts
had risen to such and odd max of kitsch and trend, that I found it best to just
push them on December 26 to the Thrift Store. (there, I knew they’d still
likely just throw out things they can’t put on the shelf, like the foods).
Note: a gaslighter selling themselves through gifts will not
ever include the receipt so you can return or exchange.
The things to them: I’m such an awful intoxicated giver: I
used to find small items that fit a personality months before Christmas, then
gave them my absolute and heavenly treasures. Once, a stone with an etched
quote by Rumi was given to a person with terminal cancer. It was costly, with
the assuring quote suitable for all but a rabid atheist: by Rumi, “God is
nearer to you than yourself”. I saw the
rock in the trash. That’s how little
treasures like that go, among a group of vampires, or gaslighters:
Exactly, Dr. B, what purpose does some humbling and assuring
quote do for a Gaslighter? You know better, but you get yourself into this trouble
at holidays often….and it’s so hard to stop. For the Gaslighter, they are true Transylvanian
vampires in this season….it’s the time when they want something that makes
their blue death pallor to look good:
·
Silver cufflinks (and, not kidding here, the
Gaslighter is one of the few persons in the world to want and use hi quality
cufflinks most days of the week).
·
French Cologne or Perfume, and not from any
discount bar, with the Dillard’s Label
·
A fine costly imported wine
·
A piece of glass art from Venice
·
Tickets to XYZ, 10 of them
·
A signed book or signed art print, framed
Designer socks or stockings from the 5th Avenue
Store with the original labels on it to prove where it was bought (the concept,
is I’m King or Queen Faruka from Africa, bring me your offerings and gifts”.).
So, you cope, and you plan to mitigate.
You heal.
You validate
You affirm yourself
You find your way to enjoy
But, you seek something truly better: you’re suffered and grieved
enough and deserve good and to thrive every day of the year.
It includes:
Burning those bridges, because you need that torch light to
show you your next way
You design or recommit to your No Contact Order
You get a workable philosophy, one that works for PTSD
gaslight attack victims
And, then you just open yourself up in presence: what good
does God bring my way right now, today…
